Due to budget constraints, we’ve had to nix the idea of using a scanner to deliver to you the news you rely on.

So now we’re taking pictures of our copy.

But we at WTF? still vow to uphold our journalistic integrity by authoring the hardest-hitting and factual fake news we always have — like this little known story about Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain:

Enjoy!

Well, if you consider doodling in one’s journal to be the equivalent. I had the idea a while ago for a fake news outlet called “Want The Facts?” — or “WTF?” for short. What few people saw this scan seemed to really enjoy it and I had a lot of fun doing it, so I think I’m going to keep it up.

So without further ado, here is Issue No. 1 of “Want The Facts?” (If you can’t read some parts, click on the photo for a, well, smaller image; then click that one for a much larger one.) Enjoy!

And now, I have a legitimate reason to make “Justin Bieber” a tag.

This is the cover I did for my first ebook, "The Social Media Party." It's kind of a satire on how annoying social media is becoming. Click on the photo to find out more!

I set out to San Francisco a month ago with a plan in mind and, last night, I set things in motion. See, I’ve read dozens of blog posts about how writers can now reach more readers, but I’ve read only three or four about what literature is actually going to look like. With attention spans getting shorter and people fitting more into their days, is there time to read anything more than 140 characters?

I’d answer that by slapping you, calling you an idiot and saying, “Of course, there is!” I’ve been thinking about this for some time because, well, my own attention span as a writer has suffered. I’ve worked on two novels over the last few years and, after a while, I’d hit a wall and run out of motivation. Mainly because I’d have another idea I’d like to pursue instead.

So I’m wondering if short stories are the next big thing in literature. They’re quicker for everyone involved and the author certainly doesn’t have to worry when he gets another idea in his head. (While writing my inaugural story, I had a few ideas that I just wrote down for another day that’s coming soon.)

Not only this, but at a financial standpoint, authors are selling their 60,000-word masterpieces for $2, forgetting that people pay the same amount for a story of 6,000 words.

So that’s where my head is at the moment. I think it’ll be a fun experiment both professionally and intellectually and I’m excited to see where it goes. If nothing else, I’ll have a LOT of work to submit to literary journals in a few months.

More later.

Those 135 characters were meant to be innocuous — a tweet I’d forget as soon as I sent it out — except I was rattled by the thought in the night and had to elaborate.

Everyone has a secret to writing. Mine is that I never write a sentence I wouldn’t date. That’s the quickest way to sum it up.

No, seriously. Before you laugh, think about it: What are the three main qualities people look for in a significant other? Smart, funny, attractive. Right? Though these are all very subjective qualities, I’ve never met anyone who’d say they’re anything but those three things (except myself during puberty — depending on the day). And a sentence should be the same way.

Let’s break it down.

SMART: If I’m not challenged, I’m not paying attention. I want a sentence that will make me think. It has the ability to communicate and work with the other surrounding sentences to paint a picture. (Remember group projects? This sentence loved ‘em!) That doesn’t mean every sentence needs to be 30 words, all of which are four or more syllables. Quite the opposite: It just means that the sentence has an idea and it relays that idea as concisely — and yet, as effectively — as it can.

FUNNY: Who, outside of your sixth grade math teacher, doesn’t like to chuckle? Not me. And certainly not a good sentence. And like most funny people, a good sentence knows that timing is everything. It backs off to give other sentences the spotlight and it shines when it’s got something to say.  And, like people, chances are if the sentence is a beerpong champ and calls itself “kind of a big deal,” it’s really not funny at all.

ATTRACTIVE: Does it flow nicely? What images does it evoke? How does it sound when you say it aloud? This, of course, is the overall presentation of the sentence. The beauty of this is that this is where style comes from. It’s why certain people are attracted to certain authors. It’s why certain authors write in the certain way they certainly do. A good sentence should have an underlying elegance that — no matter its message — still maintains that it is, in fact, something that someone put a lot of thought into.

What are some of your secrets to writing?

This is Alicia. She is not a jerk.

My friend Alicia recently put together a list of the same title as this entry. No, she is not cold-hearted, distant or (to my knowledge) asexual. She is just a great writer who — as great writers do — points out things that many of us are afraid to acknowledge. “I just hate relationships and I feel this is OK,” she wrote.

While compiling the list, Alicia posted a status on Facebook that asked for suggestions. The status garnered a lot of attention from single and taken people alike.

After reading it over, I realized there really ARE a lot of cons to a relationship and actually felt pretty comfortable about being single (which I am half by choice and half by having a big nose). Granted, loneliness can be pretty overwhelming, but at least I can leave my damn toilet seat up!

Either way, I wanted to share this because it’s really interesting. What do you think?

Click here to read.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Upon reading the finished product, I asked Alicia to marry me. We were married for 11 comments.]